


In My Arms

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Kane (Band), Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-06
Updated: 2010-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-03 03:27:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8694574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Jared finds out that he has a kidney disorder that causes them to shut down, and he goes into renal failure...now time seems to be running out for finding a kidney donor.Jared feels that Jensen is wasting his time staying with him considering that he's dying and starts to push him away...but Jensen won't go - ever.This is for fanofsuper - who won me in the help_haiti livejournal fundraiser - thank you for such an amazing bid on me babe - I'm seriously grinning like a loon that you think I'm worth that.I hope you like your sick!jared story - thank you again. Love ya sweetie!Notes: I do not claim to have a vast knowledge of the medical field. My story is strictly based on what I could find on line about PKD. But of course, I get creative. Oh and this is not a deathfic!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

Jensen sat beside Jared as he was hooked up to the dialysis machine, the low whirr of the thing filling the room. 

 

Jared was in a reclining chair, his lower extremities covered by a blanket, right arm extended out along the arm of the chair. There was a long tube with a needle on the end piercing his skin which allowed the blood to slowly pump from his body to be cleaned, filtered and pumped back in again.

 

Jared was going through this twice a week now that he was in full renal failure. 

 

He'd been diagnosed with Autosomal Dominant PKD, or Polycystic Kidney Disease, when he'd turned twenty-five. Now here he was, a mere twenty-eight years old, and in complete renal failure. The disease usually took years upon years to come to this stage, but to the doctors involved with Jared's case, he was unusal and a bit of an enigma.

 

PKD was usually passed on genetically from one parent or the other, but since Jared's parents were completely healthy, he fell into the ten percent of sufferers in whom the disease spontaneously occurred.

 

In the early stages of developing PKD, Jared had known for several weeks that there was something wrong. But test after test, the doctors would come back saying that he had urinary tract infections and that blood in the urine was a normal thing to experience with one. However, when the severe pain hit and he ended up in the hospital ER, Jared had a doctor who actually discovered what was going on.

 

The doctor ordered an ultrasound and found several cysts covering both of Jared's kidneys. Further testing brought to light what was wrong.

 

PKD.

 

_Great._

 

All of his siblings, cousins, mother and father and a few of his aunts had all been tested to see if they could be a kidney donor. That was the only thing that would save his life, but unfortunately, no one was a match. So now Jared waited. He was one among many thousands of people on the list awaiting transplant.

 

"How're you feeling?" Jensen asked sweetly, brushing the hair off of Jared's forehead.

 

Jared only shook his head, eyes closed. Jensen knew. His feet hurt, burned with that prickly feeling that you get when they fall asleep, but about five hundred times worse. Same thing for his hands and fingers.

 

“Can I rub them for you?” Jensen asked, letting his fingers trail lightly over the top of his foot.

 

“No. They hurt too bad.”

 

Jared startled when Jensen’s lips lightly skimmed the side of his face, the briefest hint of contact just in front of his ear. “I love you.”

 

“I love you, too,” Jared answered.

 

Jensen took his hand and entwined their fingers and watched over him as the treatment dragged on. 

 

~

 

Jared actually started to drift off to sleep, and Jensen started thinking back to when they’d first gotten together, first admitted how they felt about each other and decided 'fuck the world', and dove head first into a relationship, never looking back.

 

They’d finished filming season four of Supernatural. Both men decided to rest for a few days before they headed off to spend time with their girlfriends and family.

 

"Jared," Jensen said quietly, "I have something to tell you."

 

"What?" 

 

"I'm - uh, I've bought my own place. Up here. I won't be living with you when we start filming again."

 

Jared knew that it had been coming. He knew the reason, too. Danneel. 

 

It wasn’t that she was being bitchy about them living together, it was just that when she had time to come up and visit Jensen, they weren’t alone. So Jensen had decided to move out and get his own place.

 

Jared sighed. Jensen looked up at his friend.

 

"I understand," Jared said. "Besides, you are pretty impossible to be around twenty-four seven. And you can't cook, and you mess up the laundry, so you know, it’s not a big deal," Jared said smiling.

 

"Oh whatever! You're the one who thinks cooking is making a frozen pizza in the microwave! And I believe that you're the one who has pink underwear, not me!"

 

The rest of the day consisted of them periodically picking on each other. Just the usual.

 

~

 

When they'd gotten back to filming season five, just three days into shooting the first show, the boys were heading to the SUV for the driver to take them to their houses when Jensen asked if he could come over.

 

“Yeah, of course,” Jared told him. “You ok Jen?” he asked, grasping his shoulder with his huge man-paw.

 

“Yeah,” Jensen shrugged. “Just don’t wanna be alone.”

 

“Danneel not coming up anytime soon?” 

 

Jensen stopped and looked over at him. “No, she’s not coming back. Ever.”

 

Jared swallowed thickly. “Why…” he asked, shaking his head, “why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“Not your problem,” Jensen answered almost coolly and started walking again.

 

“Not my problem? Jen?” he said slightly hurt, slightly pissed off. He jogged to catch up to him and grabbed Jensen’s arm and spun him around. “What the hell, man? It is my problem. You’re my best friend. I love and care about you, and I want to be there for you…so of course this _is_ my problem!”

 

It was Jensen’s turn to swallow thickly. He turned his head and looked away. “She broke it off. She said that she didn’t think that my heart was in the relationship, that my heart belonged to someone else. It wasn’t bad though. I mean, there wasn’t any screaming, no crying. We just walked away. I kept waiting for the pain to hit me, ya know? But it never came. What does that say about me? Huh?” Jensen said, his brow furrowed, the crinkle at his eyes more pronounced than ever. “I spent four years with her, and I loved her. Hell, Jared, I still do…just not – not that way.” Jensen took a deep breath and sighed. “All I have ever wanted my whole life is to get married and have kids, and every time I’m with someone, something happens to fuck it all up. Why can’t I have that?”

 

Jensen turned around, his back to Jared. _Fuckity fuck fuck fuck_. He did not want to start crying.

 

Jared walked around in front of him. “Jen,” he whispered, then he pulled him into his arms in a strong hug.

 

Jensen stood there for a few moments, not hugging him back. He didn't want to start bawling like a girl. But Jared whispered, "I got ya Jen, it's ok. There’s nobody here but me." And then he hugged him tighter.

 

A stifled sob broke from Jensen's lips, and his arms came up and around Jared's body.

 

~

 

Twenty minutes later, they were on the couch at Jared's house, Harley curled up at Jared's side on the floor, Sadie at Jensen's. The boys sat sideways, facing each other. 

 

“Sorry about earlier. I guess I’m the big girl after all,” Jensen snorted.

 

“Crying doesn't make you a girl, it makes you human. You love her, she’s a good friend and now she’s gone. You want a family,” Jared shrugged. “I hurt after Sandy and I broke up, Jen, even though we wanted different things and we knew that it wasn’t gonna work. But that doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt, ya know?”

 

“Yeah,” Jensen nodded. “I’m glad that we’re still gonna be friends. I still want her in my life, ya know?”

 

“Yeah.” Jared was quiet a moment then said, “Can I ask you something?”

 

“Of course,” Jensen said, taking a swig of the beer in his hand and looked at his friend.

 

“You said Danneel told you that your heart belonged to someone else. Was she right?”

 

Jensen looked away. “Jared,” he said softly.

 

That's when it happened. Their first kiss. Jared reached out and placed his index finger under Jensen's chin, his thumb at the corner of his mouth. Jared turned his head back to face him and leaned in, the barest sweep of lips touching lips. Jensen whimpered into the kiss. He actually whimpered.

 

When Jared pulled away, he looked Jensen in the eyes. "I left Sandy for you, Jen. For you. I'm so crazy head-over-heels in love with you that my heart stops every time you look at me."

 

"What about Genevieve?" Jensen asked. "I mean...you - you've been _with her_ with her for months. "

 

"We're friends with benefits, Jen. That's all. She had just gotten out of a long term relationship, too, and we like each other," Jared shrugged. "She's a great girl, and a good friend, but that's all she is, all she'll ever be to me. She knew from the beginning that it was just a safe release for us both, and she knew that I was in love with you." Jared chuckled then. "She's actually rooting for you and me to finally hook up."

 

"Really?"

 

Jared nodded. "Yeah, really."

 

Jensen smiled. Jared had half expected to see him smirk his 'Dean' face, but he didn't. He just offered up a one hundred percent Jensen Ackles smile. "Yes," he said simply.'

 

"Huh?" Jared said, a frown on his face.

 

Jensen shook his head, looking exasperated. "You asked me if Dani was right when she said my heart belonged to someone else. The answer is yes...it has always been yours, Jared. Since the day I met you."

 

~

 

Jared moaned, his eyes fluttering open, pulling Jensen from his memories.

 

"Hey baby, how ya feelin'?" he asked Jared.

 

"Ok. Tired."

 

"Well, we'll go home and take a nice, long nap once this is over, 'k? How does that sound?" Jensen asked, kissing him on the forehead.

 

"You shouldn't have to sleep your life away because I get tired and can't function like a normal person. I'll go home and rest...why don't you go see Chris and Steve or something?"

 

"Because I want to be with you," Jensen said.

 

Jared sighed and resituated himself on the chair. "Fine," he said grumpily.

 

Jensen was used to him being grouchy after his treatments, he was usually sore and tired and would sleep for several hours afterwards. But he wasn't too sure that he liked the words that Jared had just used.

 

A nurse walked up and checked the machine. "Ok Mr. Padalecki, looks like we're all done here. I'll just be a minute, ok?"

 

"Yeah. Great. Thanks," he sighed. 

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Thirty minutes later, they were pulling in the drive of their California home. Jensen was glad to be back in California. He loved working on Supernatural and the other shows that he'd worked on in Vancouver, but he sure as hell didn't miss the cold-ass winters.

 

Jared stood to the side while Jensen unlocked the door and smiled as his babies bound toward them, barking and yapping happily.

 

"Hey girl," he said, squatting down and loving on Sadie. A loud woof echoed down the hall as Harley galloped toward him, his body crashing into Jared and causing him to topple onto his ass.

 

"Harley!" Jensen scolded.

 

"Aw, I'm ok," Jared said. "Huh, Harley-boy, you need to tell Daddy Jensen that I'm just fine."

 

"Daddy Jensen?" Jensen asked indignantly. Sure, he loved animals, and he loved Harley and Sadie...but _Daddy Jensen_??

 

Jared turned his head and looked up at his lover. "Jen, promise me something."

 

"Sure, what?" Jensen asked as Jared straightened up.

 

"After I die, would you keep them? I mean they love you almost as much as I do. Please don't send them to a shelter or anything. They're older dogs and a shelter will just kill them...and - "

 

"Stop it!" Jensen said, waving his hands in the air. "Just...don't Jared."

 

"Don't what? Talk about me dying? 'Cause that's just a fact, Jensen. I'm dying and there isn't shit that you or I can do about it."

 

"You're not gonna die."

 

"Do you know how many people are currently on lists for organ transplants Jen? Thousands man, thousands. My chances are..."

 

"NO!" Jensen said, turning around. "I don't wanna talk about this."

 

Jared sighed. He needed to talk about this with someone, but Jensen wouldn't listen, always walking away or they'd end up in a fight. He couldn't talk to his mom about it, she'd just start crying. He and his father weren't strangers, but to say that they'd just sit and talk on the phone - no, they didn't do that. He didn't want to put such a burden on Megan or Jeff, so he had hoped against hope that he and Jensen could talk about it, but apparently not.

 

"Fine. I'll keep it bottled inside. _Again_ ," he said, walking to the bedroom and slamming the door behind him.

 

Jensen sighed and decided to let Jared cool off for a few minutes before heading in there to talk to him. He went to the back door and let the dogs out and headed into the kitchen to put out more food and fresh water, then returned to the living room to wait on them to finish their business outside.

 

~

 

It had been a good twenty minutes when Jensen entered their bedroom, and he had to smile when Jared stubbornly rolled to his side, his back facing Jensen.

 

Jensen toed off his shoes and unbuttoned his jeans, slipping them off and pulling back the covers on his side of the bed and snuggled up against Jared's back, his arm coming to rest around Jared's waist, his fingers fluttering softly against his stomach. "I'm sorry," he said, placing a kiss to the back of Jared's neck. "I didn't mean to be an insensitive jerk. I just..." Jensen swallowed, “I can't think of you dying - I can't."

 

Jared didn't say anything, so Jensen tightened his hold on him. "I love you, Jared, and I can't imagine my life without you, and when you talk about dying, it scares me because it makes me think that you're giving up."

 

“I’m not giving up, Jen,” Jared said quietly. “But you have to talk to me about this. I could die. And I need to know that there is someone I can count on to do the things that I want done. And I can’t keep all of these feelings bottled up inside of me anymore. I can’t talk to my mom, she just cries and cries. I need to know that I can…”

 

“I’m sorry, Jay, I didn’t mean to make you keep it all inside. What do you want to talk about?” Jensen interrupted.

 

Jared rolled over and turned to look him in the face, his hand coming to rest on Jensen’s waist. He leaned forward and kissed him. “Thank you.”

 

“I’d do anything for you, Jared. Anything.”

 

“You promise?”

 

“Yes,” Jensen nodded.

 

“I’ve uh, I’ve made out a will. I sold my house in Vancouver, which you already know. I want you to keep the SUV because it’ll be easier when you have to take my babies to the vet and stuff. Your truck so isn’t big enough,” he said with a chuckle. “I’m leaving my money to Megan, Jeff and you. My mother specifically told me that she didn’t want any of it the other day – just out of the blue. I don’t know if it’s some sort of sixth sense a parent has or what, but she said to give it to you, Meg and Jeff…so,” he shrugged, “I’m not arguing with her. I wouldn’t win anyway.”

 

Jensen only nodded, blinking back the tears that filled his eyes. He didn’t want to start crying and make Jared feel bad. “Ok,” he said.

 

“I don’t want to be buried. The idea of spending that kind of money just to put me in a box that’s gonna rot in the ground is stupid. I want to be cremated…but don’t keep me on the mantel or anything. Spread my ashes somewhere, like at the base of a tree or something. Ok?”

 

“Yeah,” Jensen answered with a shaky voice, traitorous tears spilling down his face.

 

“Jen,” he said. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to upset you…”

 

Jensen swiped at his face. “I’m ok – go on.”

 

Jared reached over and caressed his cheek, Jensen curling into the touch. Jared leaned forward and kissed each of Jensen's closed eyelids, tasting the salty wetness that held Jensen's unique flavor that he loved so much. He pulled back slightly and kissed Jensen's mouth slow and sweet, then pulling away and looking into Jensen's beautiful emerald colored eyes seeing so much love and fear that his heart was breaking. It was breaking because he knew his next words were going to hurt the man that he loved more than anything in the world.

 

“I want you to promise me something,” Jared said, his own voice breaking.

 

“What?”

 

“Don’t sit and cry when I’m gone. Don’t lock yourself up inside this house because you miss me. I want you to find someone else, Jen. You are such a wonderful and loving man, and you deserve to be happy. You deserve to have someone who loves you and will…”

 

”I already _have_ someone who loves me, Jared. And you’re not gonna die, so you don’t need to worry about that, ok?”

 

“Jen…I want to break up,” Jared said amidst tears. Jensen automatically started shaking his head, but Jared soldiered on. “I want you to live your life free of a sick and dying person. You’re young and should be out and about, living your life. You should be acting…doing what you love to do. But you’re not, you’re stuck inside this house with me because I’m too sick or too tired to go out. Or you’re stuck at the hospital at my bedside when I’m sick or having treatments. You shouldn’t – “

 

“Ok now, here is where I draw the damn line,” Jensen said, tears long forgotten, replaced with anger. “You are not breaking up with me. Period. I love you, Jared,” he said, grasping his arm and shaking him. “I.Love.You. Do you understand that? And yeah, I don’t want to watch you die, but I will if that’s what happens. I’ll sit there and…” Jensen’s voice cracked slightly, “and I will hold you in my arms until you take your last breath if that’s what it comes down to, because I love you so fucking much. But don’t you dare say that you’re breaking up with me again just because you’re sick, you got that?”

 

Jared stared at him for a moment then nodded. “I just don’t want to be the person who holds you back from doing what you want to do with your life.”

 

Jensen growled at him. “I’m _doing_ what I want to do with my life. I want to be with you, you idiot! I’m exactly where I want to be. I don’t give two shits about acting right now, and you know what? If I don’t get another acting job after you’re healed up from your transplant, then I don’t. I can go back to college and get a degree in teaching or something. I used to want to be a teacher when I was younger.”

 

“Jen,” Jared said, shaking his head.

 

Jensen leaned forward and started to kiss him, his hand sliding across his jaw, thumb painting swirls across his cheek. Jensen leaned forward even more, rolling Jared onto his back and leaning against his body, but not directly on top of him. He just wanted Jared to understand what he meant to him, show him with his lips and tongue that they were seeing this through together, no matter what the outcome would be.

 

He deepened the kiss, his tongue plunging inside Jared’s mouth, sweeping across his teeth, the roof of his mouth and Jared’s tongue.

 

Jared moaned, his arms pulling at Jensen, trying to get him on top of him. Jensen pulled away, “Jay, we shouldn’t…I don’t want to hurt you or – “

 

“Shut up, Jensen…” he whispered, rolling their bodies and getting on top of him. Jared kissed Jensen’s mouth and moved lower to his neck, then chest and stomach. He smiled against Jensen’s skin when his lover arched up off of the bed and moaned. 

 

It had been a while since they’d made love, simply because Jared grew tired easily and Jensen didn’t want to be the reason that he ended up in the hospital or something. But Jared was determined that no matter how tired and exhausted he was, they were doing this.

 

He hooked his fingers in Jensen’s underwear and tugged them, Jensen automatically lifting his hips to aid in his quest.

 

Jared got to his knees between Jensen’s legs and wiggled his own underwear down his hips, tossing them to the floor alongside the other pair. 

 

Jensen sat up and pulled off his t-shirt and kissed Jared, pulling him back down on top of him. “You sure?” Jensen asked between kisses.

 

“Mmm, yeah, need to, Jen. I want you so bad…” he whispered against his lover's plump lips.

 

Jensen spread his legs wider letting Jared’s body settle against him, their groins pressing against each other.

 

Jared rocked against him, their cocks rubbing together with a sweet friction that practically had Jensen’s eyes rolling back in his head on the second thrust. He didn’t care that they probably wouldn’t make it to any type of penetration before they were both coming hard – he just loved the feel of Jared’s body against his.

 

Jared took Jensen’s mouth in a frenzied kiss, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth and tugging with his teeth, pulling away as his body arched, rolling against Jensen harder and harder. 

 

Jensen slid one of his legs up Jared’s, sliding gently and easily across his lover's thigh and ass due to the fine sheen of sweat already beading on their skin. Jensen hooked it around Jared’s waist and held him tightly.

 

Jensen arched off of the bed, thrusting up against Jared’s body, his fingernails scraping against his back, eliciting moans from both men. With two more thrusts, Jensen spilled hot and creamy between their bodies, his kissed-red lips open in a perfect O, his eyes snapped closed as wave after wave of pleasure rocketed through his body.

 

Jared’s body started to shake and shiver, his own orgasm roaring through him. He gasped and jerked his body with quick, shallow thrusts against Jensen, Jensen’s come making the glide easy. He buried his face against Jensen’s sweaty neck and cried out as his dick pulsed his load between them, mixing with Jensen’s.

 

“Jen, Jen, Jensen…” Jared gasped over and over.

 

Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared’s trembling body and held him close, trying with all his might not to start thinking that they might not ever get to experience this again…never get to hold each other after the euphoric high of making love, or that they may never enjoy growing old together or adopt the children that they’d talked about before Jared got sick. Jensen’s breath hitched as he tried to unsuccessfully stifle a sob.

 

Jared turned his head and looked at Jensen and bent his head, placing a kiss to his lips. “It’s ok, Jen. I’m not scared,” he said, shaking his head. “I just hate leaving you.” He then laid his head back on Jensen’s chest and closed his eyes, his exhausted body falling immediately asleep.

 

Jensen tried not to move, he didn’t want to wake Jared. But he reached up and swiped away the tears falling from his eyes anyhow. He closed his eyes and tried to get himself together, he didn’t want to breakdown and start full-on sobbing. He loved Jared more than anything in the entire world, and he knew that he was being selfish. Jared was dying, for Christ’s sake, but he also knew that he simply could not live without him.

 

tbc…


	2. Chapter 2

Jared’s bad mood had been brewing for days, and Jensen felt like he was walking on eggshells whenever he was around him, which was, well…always.

 

Jensen was sitting on the couch reading the newspaper when Jared walked into the living room. “Why’d you let me sleep so late? It’s after one for fuck’s sake,” he grumbled, sitting down on the other end of the couch.

 

"You must have needed the sleep, baby, otherwise you would have woken up earlier," Jensen said calmly. "I didn't want to bother you."

 

Jared only sighed and scrubbed his hands across his face.

 

"You hungry? I could make you something."

 

"I can make a sandwich myself, Jen, I'm not a fucking invalid," he snapped.

 

"I didn't say that you were. Why are you being mean to me?"

 

Jared only glared at him a moment and then looked away. Jensen leaned over and turned Jared's face toward him, kissing him lightly on the lips. "Love you," he whispered.

 

Jared stood abruptly and walked out of the room.

 

Jensen sighed and looked at him as he left, wondering what he could do to help - if there was anything that he could do.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Hours later

 

"I don't know what to do, Chris. For the longest time he was broody and always wanted to talk about things. I finally did, even though I didn't want to listen to the plans and arrangements that he's made for if he dies. So I figured that everything would be better, but they've only gotten worse. He keeps telling me that I need to get out there and start acting again. I'm not interested. He was so sick, but kept working to finish up season five of Supernatural, and we sat down together and discussed it. We'd stop acting. Now, he's all up my ass about working again. I don't want to work right now. He's being a stupid jerk."

 

Chris looked over at his friend. "He's pissed at you. You do know that, right?"

 

"Pissed? I didn't do anything to him," he said rather loudly.

 

"He's pissed because he's sick and dying, and everyone around him is healthy. You are around him twenty-four seven, man...you're gonna catch the brunt of it all. You're the one that he's gonna take it out on." Chris stayed quiet for a few minutes. "Where is he?"

 

"Outside. He said that it was stuffy in here and he was tired of me mother-henning him to death, so he grabbed a book and took the dogs and went outside. He's been out there for about four hours. I tried to get him to take a blanket with him. You know what he said to me?"

 

Chris chuckled. "Probably something like 'what's it gonna do, kill me?' "

 

"Exactly. He's so fucking hard headed. He knows that getting a cold will just make everything worse," Jensen said exasperatedly. "He's just being an asshole to be an asshole."

 

Chris reached over and patted his leg. "Just let him be pissed Jen, he'll calm down sooner or later."

 

"I feel like a prick because I keep getting pissed at him for his behavior, ya know? He's fucking dying, and I'm mad at him for being short and snippy with me..."

 

"You're not a dick Jen, it's not your fault that you're healthy and he's not," Chris said with his eyebrows raised, "and anyone who knows you and loves you understands that. I know I do. And you know that all you have to do is call - I'll be here for you whenever or where ever you need me, alright?"

 

Jensen nodded. "Thanks man, and for the record, I love you, too."

 

Chris snorted. "Girl."

 

"Dick."

 

Chris stood up."Ok, gimme a hug, I have to get going."

 

Jensen stood up and embraced his best friend. "Thanks for coming."

 

Chris pulled away and then he did something that he'd never done, he kissed Jensen's forehead. "Anytime." Then he turned and headed toward the patio door.

 

Jensen gasped. "Wait. What are you doing?" Jensen asked. "Don't Chris, it'll just make everything worse."

 

"I'm just saying bye..."

 

"You never even said hello," Jensen pointed out. "You have the tendency to just open your mouth and let all kinds of shit fall out...don't go out there and start shit with him."

 

"Fuck off," he said, opening the door and closing it behind him, giving Jensen one of those grins that only Christian could pull off and would make anyone roll their eyes.

 

"Hey," he said, walking across the patio toward Jared. "How's it hanging?"

 

Jared didn't even look up from his book, he only sighed.

 

Chris sat down beside him in the open lounge chair and patted both Sadie and Harley on their heads. "So, you not speaking to me?"

 

Jared sighed. "What...did Jensen send you out here to kick my ass?" Jared growled out.

 

Chris snatched the book out of his hands and threw it out into the yard. "No, he doesn't need me to fight his battles. But one thing I am gonna tell you is I won't sit here and take your shit. I'm sorry that you're sick and dying, but it ain't my fucking fault, man. And it sure as hell ain't Jensen's. That man in there loves you so fucking much that he'd switch places with you right now. He would die in your place, do you get that? Don't treat the people who love you the most like shit because you're scared and pissed off that you could be dead soon."

 

"You don't know what I'm going through..." Jared started.

 

"No, you're right, I don't. But what I do know is that you're my friend and I love you. Yeah, it sucks that you're sick, and I don't even want to think of you not being here one day...but in the end, you're still not treating me like shit."

 

Jared turned his head and looked at his friend, guilt and fear in his eyes. "What did I do to deserve this?" Jared whispered.

 

"What'd anybody do to deserve dying, Jay?" Chris asked, shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders. "Do you think that you're the only person facing a life-threatening illness?"

 

Jared sighed. "No." Then he let his head fall back onto the chair with a loud thump.

 

"Sorry...I've been informed recently that my mouth kinda gets away from me and that when I open it, all kinds of shit just pours out," he said with a laugh.

 

Jared chuckled. "It's part of your charm."

 

"Just keepin' it real, man," Chris said, standing up. He crossed the small distance between him and Jared and leaned down and hugged him. "I have to go, take care. And go inside, you're gonna catch a cold."

 

Jared hugged him back. "Sure, MOM," he joked and watched Chris walk away, going out the gate at the side of the house so that he could avoid Jensen, who was hovering in the doorway behind the closed patio door.

 

Jared got up and walked out into the yard and picked up his book and whistled at the dogs to follow, which they did. He walked up to the door and watched Jensen pull it open. Jared guiltily looked down. "I'm sorry," he said.

 

Jensen stepped forward and pulled him into a hug. "You don't need to apologize, Jared, it's ok."

 

Jared wrapped his arms around him. "No, it's not."

 

"Come inside, you've been out there for hours. I'm scared to death that you're gonna catch a cold," Jensen said, ushering Jared inside, his hand at the dip of his back. He walked him over to the couch and Jared sat down looking up at him.

 

"Sit with me?" he asked.

 

"Of course," Jensen answered. "Let me get a blanket, ok?"

 

Jared nodded. Tears welled up in his eyes as he watched Jensen head for the closet. How on earth could he tell him that he really was terrified?

 

Jensen came back into the room and sat down behind Jared, putting the blanket in his lap. Jared scooted down the couch some and let Jensen get into place, laying back on the couch. Jared laid back and rested his head on Jensen's chest, pulling the blanket over their bodies.

 

"Thank you," Jared said, turning on his side and looking up at him.

 

"For what?"

 

"Loving me."

 

"Loving you has never been or ever will be a problem," Jensen said, wrapping his arms around him. "But you trying like hell to push me out of your life is."

 

Jared sighed. "Jen, I just want you to be happy. I want you to move on."

 

"Not gonna happen."

 

"Why?"

 

"You're not dead Jared, not yet. I'm not going anywhere."

 

"But I want you to."

 

"No."

 

"Why?"

 

"Because I'm not cheating on you, Jared. Ever. It's not happening, so let it go."

 

"What if I told you that it's my dying wish, that it's the one thing that I want to see before I'm dead? The one and only thing?"

 

"Then you're gonna die disappointed, Jay. I don't want someone else, ok?"

 

"Ok," Jared acquiesced. He'd save the battle for later...or maybe, just maybe, he'd play matchmaker without Jensen even knowing it.

 

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Jensen rolled over toward Jared only to find the bed empty. He sat up and scrubbed his hands across his face."Jared?" he called out.

 

Last night had been rough. Jared couldn't sleep from the pain that he was suffering in his kidneys, and he'd refused to take extra pain medicine, stating that he didn't want to become addicted to the pills.

 

Jensen threw back the covers and went looking for Jared. He had a treatment scheduled for today and it was probably getting close to time for his appointment.

 

When Jensen got downstairs, the house was empty except for the dogs. Jensen walked to the front door and opened it, finding the truck and the SUV both still there. Jared didn't drive much because that sudden onset pain might strike, causing him to wreck, and he certainly wouldn't have driven himself to a treatment because of how exhausted he gets afterwards.

 

Jensen walked into the living room with the intention of going into the backyard to see if he was sitting on the patio, but when he looked up at the clock, he ground his teeth together and took the stairs two at a time, cursing Jared as he did. Jared would already be at the hospital, about an hour into his treatment.

 

~

 

Jensen was led back to the room, all the staff were used to seeing him with Jared. "There he is Jensen," the pretty nurse said.

 

"Thank you," he said as he forced a smile.

 

Jensen walked over to Jared, who was sitting with his head resting against the cushioned back of the recliner, staring off into space. Jensen dragged a chair over and sat down. "Well?" he said.

 

"Well what?"

 

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

 

"You were sleeping, and I don't need you here to hold my hand, Jensen. I'm a grown man. I know how to get to the hospital via cab service."

 

"I want to be here," Jensen said, unable to hide the anger in his voice.

 

"Yeah, well, I don't want you here. So go home."

 

"No."

 

"I can have them make you leave, Jen. Just go, alright?"

 

"Why are you doing this to me, Jared? Why can't you understand that I want to be here with you?

 

Jared only sighed and turned his head. That's when Jensen saw it. Jared was crying.

 

"You know," Jensen said, scooting closer, "I know what you're trying to do."

 

Jared wouldn't look back at him.

 

"I heard you on the phone last night with either Steve or Chris or whoever the fuck you were talking to, asking them for help. I heard what you asked them. And it's not gonna work, Jared. No matter what you do, what you say or how hard you push me away...I'm not leaving. I'm not going out on a blind date. I'm not just going to magically start talking to some random stranger who comes up to me showing massive interest because I'll know that you set it up trying to get me out of your life."

 

Jared still remained silent. But his chest was heaving and tears were falling down his cheeks.

 

"I don't care if you throw all of my clothes out on the front lawn and set them on fire. Or if you have the locks changed, 'cause then I'll just sleep on the porch. I'm not leaving you, Jared."

 

"I want you to, Jen. I don't want you to watch me..." Jared's breath hitched, and he sucked in a shaky breath, "watch me become a shell of the person that I was."

 

"Too bad."

 

"Why do your feelings matter but mine don't? Huh? Why is it I'm being mean and I'm being an asshole?"

 

"Because you're being unreasonable," Jensen said, leaning forward. "I'm just loving you."

 

"You're being a hardheaded dick," Jared said quietly.

 

"Yeah? Well, you're being an insensitive prick," Jensen answered matter-of-factly. "Let me ask you this, Jared..."

 

Jared sighed and rolled his eyes. "What?"

 

"What if I was dying?"

 

"What?"

 

"What if it was me lying there? Would you leave if I told you to? Would you leave and start dating again while I was dying somewhere?"

 

Jared didn't answer.

 

"That's what I thought. Now then, we have a few choices here. One - you can stop being a hardheaded asshole to me, and accept the fact that I love you and I'm not leaving until you're dead. Two - you can keep being an asshole and trying to push me away, change the locks on the house and throw me out, and have me camping on the front lawn...for which I'll totally kick your ass when you're better. Or three - we can forget all this crap of you being the martyr, and just love each other and hope for the best."

 

Jared snorted. "I'm not trying to be a martyr, Jensen. I just don't want you to waste time with someone who probably won't be here in a year."

 

"Tough."

 

Jared turned his head and looked at him. "I love you, do you know that?"

 

Jensen smirked, leaned forward and kissed him. "Of course I know that. That's why I'm still here."

 

"I'm sorry. I'll try and not take it out on you anymore, ok?"

 

"I don't care if you do," Jensen shrugged. "I'm sticking around, baby."

 

"Thank you," Jared whispered. He looked down to his arm where the tube was attached. "I'm scared, Jen," he said so quietly that Jensen barely heard him. "I'm so scared."

 

Jensen reached out and took his hand and brought it up to his lips. "I know you are, baby, I am too," he said as his eyes filled. "But you know what? We can be scared together."

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Several days had passed and Jared was suddenly feeling better. Jensen didn't know if it was the fact that his attitude had changed somewhat or if he was just really feeling better. But honestly, he didn't care.

 

He had some plans, plans for which he'd enlisted help from all his and Jared's friends and their families. He just hoped that Jared would go for it.

 

"Morning," Jared said, coming out of the kitchen carrying two plates.

 

"What's this?" Jensen asked, eyeing them.

 

"I made pancakes," he smiled. "Blueberry for me and chocolate chip for you. Coffee's almost done. I didn't put it on till the pancakes were finished."

 

"I'll go get some. Do you want a small cup?" he asked.

 

"No, I'm good."

 

"Just some ice?"

 

"Yeah," Jared nodded.

 

Being on dialysis, he was only allowed to consume four to five cups of liquid a day. Because of this, Jared resorted to sucking on ice cubes because it lasted longer.

 

Jensen returned to the room and set down a cup with three ice cubes in it in front of Jared and a cup of coffee in front of his plate.

 

"This looks really good, man," Jensen said, digging into the food. "What possessed you to get up and do this?"

 

"I don't know, I just felt like cooking," Jared shrugged. "I was thinking that later, maybe we could go to the park. The dogs haven't been out other than in the backyard in months. They were used to me jogging everyday, ya know? It'd be good for them to get out and run."

 

"Sure, I'd love that," Jensen said, leaning over and giving Jared a sticky kiss.

 

~

 

Jensen stood beside Jared in the park, both armed with a ball and tossing them as far as possible, watching as the dogs tore hell away from them to retrieve them.

 

"Jay, I want to ask you something. And don't get mad at me, ok?"

 

"I can't promise you that Jen, you know that."

 

"Sure you can, you can just say, 'no matter what, I won't get pissed at the man I love'," he smiled over at him.

 

"What did you do?" Jared asked, placing his hands on his hips.

 

"Well, I have a reservation for Harley and Sadie at the doggie hotel on Laurel Canyon."

 

"What for?" Jared asked, pulling the slobbery ball from Harley's jowls and throwing it, snorting as the huge animal galloped away.

 

"Well, I was up late the other night. You remember when I couldn't sleep?"

 

"Yeah," Jared answered, sitting down on the ground.

 

"Well, I was farting around on the computer and your mom IM'ed me. Apparently she couldn't sleep either."

 

"So y'all talked about me, I'm guessing?" Jared wasn't accusatory or mad, just curious.

 

"Yeah," Jensen nodded. "She wants us to come down weekend after next. A family reunion. She didn't know how to bring it up, she was afraid that you'd freak out...but you know, if we can't get you a kidney," Jensen said, "every - " Jensen took a deep shuddering breath and let out a 'whooo'. "Everybody wants to get together now before you're - " he stopped again and swiped at his eyes, "before you get so sick that you can't travel."

 

Jared looked up at him. "I'd like that, actually. Everyone needs to quit pussyfooting around all this. I'm sick and I could die. It's a fact that's not gonna change unless I get a kidney."

 

"We just love you, man, and she's so scared that she's gonna hurt your feelings..."

 

Jared patted the ground beside him, so Jensen walked over and sat down. "I'll call her tonight. And I'll talk to Dr. Ellington tomorrow at my appointment about setting up treatments in San Antone, ok?"

 

Jensen nodded. "Guess what?" he asked.

 

"What?"

 

"Chris and Steve are coming, too."

 

Jared chuckled. "I was wondering why our babies weren't staying with one of them..."

 

"Well, it's a family family reunion, both honorable and blood."

 

"I think it's a good idea. I'd love to see some of my cousins I haven't seen in a long time, ya know?"

 

"Yeah, it'd be nice to meet them. There are so many people in your family that I haven't met. I'd love that," Jensen smiled.

 

"Jen, have you invited your mom and dad?"

 

"Yeah, and Mackenzie, Josh and Ally and the boys. Hope that's ok?"

 

"It's perfect." Jared looked across the park and laughed as he watched the dogs scamper around each other playing, then turning tail and chasing a squirrel up a tree.

 

Jensen leaned over and nuzzled Jared's neck. "I love you," he whispered. Jared smiled and leaned his head against Jensen's.

 

"I love you right back, baby."

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Two weeks later found them on a plane heading to San Antonio. Jared had set up all the arrangements with his doctor, and had a list of the people that he'd need to see for his treatments once he was back home in Texas. Jensen, of course, had joined him at the appointment and made sure that it was safe for Jared to fly.

 

He had been having a pretty good day, but the trip seemed to have taken a lot out of him. When they landed, Jared had to sit down and rest as soon as they'd filed off of the plane. Jensen sat down beside him and took his hand. "You want me to get a ..."

 

"No," Jared said emphatically.

 

"Jay there's nothing wrong with you using a wheelchair if you're too tired, baby..."

 

"I know, but I haven't seen my folks in months. I've already lost a lot of weight - so much so that they're gonna freak. I sure as hell ain't showing up in a freaking wheelchair. Just let me rest for a minute, ok?"

 

"Ok, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to - to try and say that you were helpless or anything, ok?" Jensen said, sitting down beside him and running his hand up Jared's back.

 

"I know you didn't. I'm sorry I snapped at you," Jared sighed, placing his hand between Jensen's thighs.

 

They sat there for about ten minutes when Jared finally sighed and stood up. Jensen's breath caught in his throat. He hadn't really noticed that Jared had lost so much weight until Jared actually said the words. But he had. He'd lost weight and muscle tone. His clothes were sagging on him from the weight loss, Jensen guessed about thirty pounds.

 

"You ready?" Jared asked, frowning down at him.

 

"Huh? Yeah, sorry. I guess I was daydreaming," Jensen said with a shake of his head.

 

~

 

They walked down the long corridor and saw Jared's mother and father waiting at the end. Jensen could tell from the look on Sherri's face that she was close to tears eyeing Jared closely. Luckily she managed to hold herself together.

 

"Hi, baby," she said, taking him into her arms. "My God, I've missed you," she whispered in his ear. "I love you, honey."

 

"I love you too, Mom," he said, embracing her just as tightly.

 

"Hi, Dad," he said, turning around to hug him.

 

"Hey son, how are you feeling?"

 

"I'm alright. I'm a little tired," he shrugged. "Probably take a nap when we get home."

 

"Well, we have your room all ready for you when we get there. Dinner won't be for about another four hours, so you take all the time you need, baby. Jerry, why don't you go with Jensen to get their bags, and me and Jared will go have a seat out by the doors."

 

With a nod, Jensen and Jerry headed off in the direction of the baggage claim area, as Sherri entwined her arm with Jared's and led him toward the exit.

 

~

 

Jared was happy to see his sister there waiting for him when he got home and hugged her tight, then asked where Jeff and his family were.

 

"They're staying with your Aunt Sarah. There's a little more room there than in his old bedroom here. The baby's travel cot probably wouldn't even fit in there."

 

"I'm looking forward to seeing them," Jared smiled. He looked around and noticed Jensen heading up the stairs with their bags. "Well, I'm gonna go have a rest. Sorry. I'd love to sit down and catch up for a while, but that flight really took it out of me."

 

"Oh, don't you worry about that, baby. We'll all be here when you wake up. You rest as long as you need," Sherri told him, reaching up and pulling Jared's head down to place a kiss on his cheek

 

Jared nodded at his family and trotted up the stairs after his boyfriend, hearing his mother's sobs as he did so.

 

He turned the corner and pushed open the door, which was pulled to but not closed when he got there. Jensen was standing beside the bed in only his boxers and a t-shirt. Laying on the other side of the bed was a t-shirt for Jared that he'd pulled out for him.

 

Jared chuckled and wagged his eyebrows. "You're a little overly excited to get me in bed, huh?" he said.

 

"You know it, baby," Jensen smiled, pulling back the covers.

 

Jared closed the door and toed off his shoes. "You know, Jen, I'm not so sure that this was a good idea. My mom's already bawling downstairs."

 

"Over?"

 

"How skinny I am. I heard her say something about how much weight I've lost, I told you she would," he said as he shimmied his jeans down his hips and stepped out of them. He pulled his button down shirt off and stretched the t-shirt over his head and crawled into bed.

 

Jensen rolled onto his side and snuggled into him, his head coming to rest on Jared's chest. "You feeling ok?"

 

"Yeah, I'm just tired."

 

"Well, get some rest. We're gonna have a full house later. You sure you're gonna be up for it?"

 

"Yeah, I promise that I'll take it easy. I'll sit down on the patio and relax. I'll even let you fuss and wait on me," he said, placing a kiss to the top of Jensen's head.

 

"Sounds good to me. Now shush, I'm tired."

 

Jared smiled. He knew that Jensen was lying to him. There was no way he was tired, but he wasn't gonna call him on it...he loved it that Jensen would nap with him too much to point out the fib.

 

Three hours later, there was a soft knock on the door. Jensen, who was lying on his back now, arms around Jared with Jared's head lying in the middle of his chest, raised his head and softly said "Yeah?"

 

Sherri pushed the door open and stuck her head in. "Hey, dinner will be ready in about an hour. Everyone is starting to arrive. I didn't know if you wanted to wake him up or..." she shrugged, then sighed, "maybe we should have done this tomorrow after Jared's dialysis. Not today after the trip."

 

"He'll be far more tired tomorrow, today's better. I promise, he'll be ok. I'll wait a little while longer and see if he wakes up on his own, if not, I'll wake him in about half an hour. He wouldn't miss this for anything. He even promised me that he'd sit down and let me wait on him...so he'll get plenty of rest."

 

Sherri smiled and closed the door. Jensen closed his eyes and tightened his hold around Jared.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Jensen was standing out in the yard, his back against a large tree, the darkness concealing him as he watched Jared.

 

Jared was sitting in the lounge chair, laying back with his feet up and a blanket across his lap. He was talking to his sister-in-law and holding his niece. Jensen's heart clenched and he looked down, covering his mouth with his hand. "Damn it," he whispered.

 

"You ok?" a voice behind him said.

 

Jensen immediately knew that voice. Steve.

 

"No. No, I'm not alright," he said, shaking his head and turning around. "He's dying, man, and..." Jensen's voice broke and a sob tore free. "There's not a fucking thing I can do about it."

 

"Come on," Steve said, knowing that Jensen wouldn't want anyone, especially Jared, to see his outburst. Steve placed his arm around Jensen's waist and tugged him toward the end of the yard and back toward a wooded area where they'd have some privacy.

 

Once they were away from the party, Steve sat down on an overturned tree stump, Jensen taking a seat beside him.

 

"You wanna talk about it?" he asked.

 

Jensen only shook his head and leaned over onto his friend's shoulder. Steve turned as best as he could and hugged him. "If you need a good cry, I have two dry shoulders."

 

Jensen snorted out a humorless laugh. "It seems that is all I've done for the last several months is cry. Pretty soon the penis police are gonna show up and cut my dick and balls off and give me an honorary vagina."

 

Steve laughed. "Man, don't let any chicks hear you say that shit, you'll be labeled a first class fucking asshole for the rest of your life for saying only chicks cry."

 

"I don't know what I'll do if I lose, him Steve. I love him. I love him more than anyone I've ever loved in my life, and I'm telling you right now, I won't be able to live without him...I can - " Jensen's breath hitched, "I can't do this...face life without him." And that's when it happened. All of the feelings, all of the pain and heartache that he'd been feeling and holding in smashed through like a levee breaking after a heavy rain.

 

Since Jared first found out that he was sick, Jensen held in all of his feelings except for the few times that he's cried some when he'd been talking to Jared over the arrangements that he'd made in the event of his death. He didn't even cry this much when they'd found out Jared was sick. But today, it all came crashing through, and Jensen broke.

 

Steve wrapped his arms around his friend and gently rocked.

 

tbc...


	3. Chapter 3

Jared smiled as he watched his family. It was good to be home. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed them, how much he'd missed Texas.

 

"Hey," he said as Chris walked by. "Have you seen Jensen?"

 

Chris sat down. "Yeah, I saw him walking towards the woods with Steve a little while ago," Chris smirked and wagged his eyebrows.

 

"Oh - whatever!" Jared snorted. "If Jensen ever did decide to fuck around on me, it sure as hell wouldn't be with either one of you two losers!"

 

"Like we'd want his skeevy ass even if we were into dick!" he laughed. "You want me to go get him?"

 

"Nah, they took off for a reason. It's ok."

 

"You need anything?" Chris asked.

 

"Uh, no, I'm good. Thanks, though."

 

Chris leaned back in the lounge chair and propped his feet up. "So, why aren't you out mingling?" he asked.

 

"I'm good right here. I'm actually enjoying watching them, it's making me feel," Jared shrugged, "good."

 

They sat alone in silence for a while, both watching everyone. Jared finally leaned his head back against the chair and looked over at Chris. "Hey...do you know what's up with Jensen?"

 

"What do you mean?" Chris asked.

 

"I saw him earlier, he didn't look good."

 

"He's fine man, just scared, ya know?"

 

"I guess. I hate seeing him in pain, seeing him worry. I just don't want him to get sick from all this stress. Do you remember how sick he got when we found out I had PKD?"

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Three years ago

 

 

Jensen came into Jared's bedroom to find him sitting on the bed dressed in nothing but his boxers, rocking. He'd heard whimpering from the living room and decided to come and see what was going on, it wasn't like Jared to be whiney.

 

"Hey man, what's wrong?"

 

"Pain...God Jen, it hurts," Jared gasped. 

 

"What? Where?"

 

"My back all the way - oh shit Jensen...all the way through my body!" Jared gasped, reaching out for him. “And my sides...” he groaned.

 

Jensen knelt down in front of his friend and pressed his hand to Jared's forehead. "Damn Jared, you're burning up," he said. "Are you still taking your antibiotic for the UTI?"

 

"Yeah...Jen, I don't think it's that -" he said, sucking in a sharp breath. "Jen, I think I need to get to the hospital."

 

"Ok, um, you get dressed and I'll get you there," Jensen said. When Jared stood, his knees gave out from the pain coursing through his body and he went to his knees on the floor.

 

Jensen rushed over and pulled him up and sat him down on the bed. "Ok. Hang on, I'll get your clothes, man."

 

"Sorry," Jared gasped.

 

"It's ok, Jared," Jensen said, digging through one of the drawers of Jared's dresser. He rushed back and put jogging pants around Jared's ankles and pulled them up his legs as much as possible. He pulled Jared to a standing position and pulled them up the rest of the way, then pushed a t-shirt over his head. "Sit back down, I'll get your shoes."

 

Fifty minutes later, Jared was stretched out in a hospital bed, Jensen sitting beside him in an uncomfortable plastic chair...waiting for the doctor to come in.

 

~

 

A nurse came in and took Jared's history, blood pressure, and temperature - then informed them that a doctor would be in soon.

 

Several minutes later, a tall, thin man wearing glasses and sporting a nice suit underneath his white jacket came in.

 

He talked to Jared about his past problem, and told him that he'd like a urine sample and was going to send someone in to take blood. Then he poked and prodded on Jared's stomach and said that they'd run some tests and go from there.

 

Ultimately, when several of the tests came back inconclusive, he ordered an ultrasound to have a look around inside.

 

"Well," the doctor said, pulling a rolling stool bedside. "I've discovered that you have several cysts on your kidneys. Further blood tests confirmed what I suspected when I discovered the cysts. You have a disease called Polycystic Kidney Disease, also called Autosomal Dominant PKD. It's where cysts develop on your kidneys, and in some cases can spread to your liver and pancreas. Have either of your parents been ill or diagnosed with this?"

 

"No," Jared said, shaking his head, "they're both perfectly healthy."

 

"Well, PKD does spontaneously occur in some patients. It's rare, but it does happen."

 

"What is the treatment for it?" Jensen asked.

 

"Well, a doctor will monitor you," he said,, speaking to Jared even though Jensen asked the question. "PKD usually takes years to develop fully and cause kidney failure."

 

"So that will happen then? There's no cure?" Jared asked.

 

"No, other than a kidney transplant, there's no cure. But like I said, it takes years for the disease to progress to that point. Now one thing that we will do is keep a close check on your pain levels and blood pressure. This disease causes high blood pressure in most patients, as well as headaches, pain in the back and sides, usually between the ribs and hips."

 

"Yeah, I noticed," Jared scoffed.

 

"With PKD, urinary tract infections are common, as well as blood in the urine. Kidney stones are also a possibility. Others have had the disease start to affect the heart, cause abnormal growth of the valves...aneurysms. There is a possibility of PKD leading to all of your vital organs shutting down - " the doctor stopped when he noticed how pale both Jared and Jensen were getting. "You do realize that these are extreme cases, and things that will happen far down the road? It shouldn't present a problem in the immediate future; it has rarely happened in someone so young."

 

"Well, that's good to know," Jared huffed out a stilted laugh.

 

"Now, to control the pain, I would suggest starting on over-the-counter aspirin or acetaminophen. If that doesn't work, we can move onto something stronger. I'm going to give you a list of doctors that you should follow up with for care and the nurse will be in with more information for you to read up on."

 

"Thank you, Doctor."

 

"Do you have any other questions?"

 

"How long?" Jensen asked.

 

"How long for what, son?"

 

"Till he needs a transplant."

 

"Next week, next year, thirty years...." the doctor shrugged. "We simply don't have a lot to go on. Everyone is different. But for most cases, people are in their fifties and sixties before they go into renal failure."

 

Those words smacked Jensen in the face. He loved Jared. He was his best friend...and he loved him. Perhaps more than just friends, but he was perfectly happy having Jared as just a friend. "Renal failure? So..."

 

"So, eventually he'll need a kidney transplant and will end up on dialysis until he gets one. But again, that could be several years down the road. I'll have Heidi give you addresses to some informative websites."

 

Once the doctor had left the room, Jared sat up and reached for his clothes, standing and putting his feet through his boxers. "Jen? You ok?"

 

"That doctor is a fucking quack! We're getting a second opinion!"

 

Jared snorted. "Jen, he's the only doctor who has bothered to take the time to find out what's wrong, with me. And just for the record, I'm planning on a second opinion...and probably a third," he said pulling on his jeans. He yanked off the horrid hospital gown and sat back down, as he suddenly felt dizzy.

 

Jensen stood up and stepped forward. "You ok, man?"

 

"Yeah, just a little woozy...I'll be alright."

 

Jensen took Jared's shoes and knelt down and shoved them onto his feet just as the nurse entered. 

 

"Here we go. I have some pamphlets about PKD and several websites for you and your partner to go over. The websites are very informative and will answer any questions that you may think of later after you're back home. Here is the referral to a local doctor that you should follow up with and..."

 

"Wait," Jensen said. "Did you just call me his partner?"

 

"Well yes, it's obvious how much you two mean to each other...it's - " then she stopped talking. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry - you're not partners, are you?"

 

"No," Jared barked out, "just best friends."

 

"I'm sorry," she said, clearly embarrassed, and exited the room quickly.

 

~

 

They got back home and Jared walked in, hugging and cuddling his babies on the trek to his couch. Jensen followed and plopped down beside him and sighed. 

 

"We need to do some serious research, man. We need to find the best doctor out there, one who specializes in PKD."

 

"Jen..."

 

"What? Jared - this isn't something that you can fuck around with - you could - " Jensen's throat tightened and he swallowed the bile that was rising. "You could die, man. We can't - " he took a deep breath, "I can't deal with that. I won't. I refuse to! We'll find the best for you, ok?"

 

Jared smiled. “Thanks Jen. I’m glad that you’re here with me. It’d suck to be sitting here doing nothing but thinking that I’ll die from this.”

 

Jensen swallowed and shook his head. “You’re not gonna die, man. I won’t allow it, you got that?”

 

Jared smiled and nodded. “Look, I’m beat. I’m gonna head to bed.”

 

“K. Me, too. See ya in the morning,” Jensen told him. He waited until he heard the soft click of Jared’s door after the dogs followed him inside, and then Jensen booted up his laptop. It was going to be a long night…boy was he glad they didn’t have to work this weekend.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Two weeks later

 

 

Jared was really worried...nobody could find Jensen anywhere. There had been a call for him to report to the set, and Jensen never showed. Nobody could find him, and he wasn't answering his cell. 

 

After looking for him for over an hour, Jared decided to head to his trailer. He was going to resort to calling Christian, Steve - and then ultimately, Jensen's parents - if he didn't find him within the next few minutes. When Jared had gotten to his own trailer, he had found Jensen curled up on his couch, sweating profusely and shivering.

 

“Jen?” Jared said, gently shaking his shoulder.

 

Jensen opened his eyes. “Don’t – I don’t feel good,” Jensen said as his body violently shook. 

 

Jared pressed his hand against Jensen’s forehead. “You have a fever, man. We need to get you home and in bed after you take some medicine. Hell, better yet, I’m thinking that you need to go to the hospital.”

 

“No hospital. Sleep,” Jensen simply replied.

 

Jared pulled out his cell and dialed, heading over to one of the small closets to get a blanket. Jensen was moving in and out of sleep and couldn’t quite hear what all Jared was saying into the phone, only picking up random words like “Jensen”, “sick”, “fever” and then the dreaded “doctor” word.

 

Twenty minutes later, someone knocked on Jared’s trailer door. He made his way over to it quickly and let the woman in. “Hi, thank you for coming. I knew that I couldn’t get him to come to you…” Jared said leading her across to Jensen.

 

“Hey,” Jared said, touching Jensen’s shoulder. “Wake up man, there’s a doctor here to check you out.”

 

Jensen growled out a frustrated sigh and sat up. “I said no doctors Jared,” he grumbled, his voice thick and scratchy.

 

“I believe you said no hospital, not no doctor.”

 

“Semantics, Jay.”

 

“Hi Jensen, I’m Doctor Janet Weiss. I'm gonna check you over, ok?"

 

Jensen snorted...then went into a coughing fit from laughing.

 

"Yeah, haha," she said, "laugh it up..."

 

Jared was perplexed. He sooo didn't get the joke.

 

~

 

"How have you been sleeping?" she asked Jensen as she felt the glands and lymph nodes in Jensen's neck.

 

"Not well..." he answered truthfully.

 

She reached into her medical bag and extracted a small package and tore it open, pulling out a tongue depressor. "Open up," she said, flicking on a penlight.

 

Jared sat right beside his best friend for most of the exam, only stepping away once to answer the door and fend off an overzealous PA. 

 

When the doctor finally put away all of her things, she pulled out a prescription pad. "You've got yourself a nasty cold, Jensen. I'm prescribing you something to help you relax. From the answers that you've given to my questions, I'm suspecting you got sick from lack of sleep and a lot of stress. Basically, you're suffering from exhaustion - and this cold. I don't want any arguments from you either. You'll need to take the medication as prescribed."

 

"What are you giving me?" he asked.

 

"Ativan for the stress and to help you sleep. I'm giving you something for your cough and congestion and..."

 

"I don't need a benzodiazepine-class drug. They're addictive and used for people who are having, like, a nervous breakdown or something."

 

"No, they're not used only for that. Benzodiazepines are often used to help in reduceing stress and sleeplessness. And they're only addictive if they're abused. If you take this how I prescribe it, and only that way, you won't have a problem with it. I only want you to use it for a few weeks. And you may want to think of other ways to alleviate the stress in your life."

 

Jensen snorted again.

 

"Is there anything you'd like to discuss...maybe with a therapist or - "

 

"I'm not a fucking nut job," Jensen bit out.

 

"Jen," Jared admonished, "she's not accusing you of being a nut job, man, calm down."

 

Jensen turned his head and glared at his best friend.

 

"Jensen, there is apparently something bothering you. If you don't want to talk to me or a therapist, you need to talk to someone about whatever it is that's bothering you."

 

"I'm fine," he snapped.

 

She gathered her bag and jacket and stood. "Well, I can't force you to talk about whatever it is that has you so worried, but what I can do is make sure you take a few days off and get some rest."

 

"I don't need a few days off," Jensen growled.

 

"Yeah, you do," Jared said. "What do you tell me when I get tired, huh? You..." then it hit Jared. He turned and looked at the doctor. Thank you Ma'am, I appreciate you stopping in and checking Jensen over. I'll make sure he relaxes over the next few days."

 

When she left, Jared crossed the floor to his friend. He sat down and looked at him. "Jen...are you - are you so worried about me that this is why you got sick?"

 

"No. I just have a cold."

 

"Do you honestly think that I haven't noticed that you're still up when I go to bed and you're already up when I get up?" he asked. "I know you've been doing research on PKD on the internet. Are you even sleeping at all, man?"

 

Jensen only sat there and said nothing. 

 

"Jen?"

 

"No, ok? No! I haven't been sleeping. I can't sleep. You're dying, man. I can't lose you. You're the best friend that I've ever..." Jensen's breath hitched slightly, "ever had! I can't lose you. I don't even know how I'd cope without you in my life!"

 

Jared scooted closer and grasped Jensen's shoulders turning him toward himself. "I'm not dying, Jen. Not yet. You heard the doctors, it doesn't usually hit people really hard like that until they're well in their fifties and sixties. I have quite a bit of time till I get there."

 

Jensen nodded. "I know. I heard him say that, Jay. But - "

 

"But nothing, Jen. I'm good. I'm healthy for the most part, other than I've been hurting in my kidneys and I've got blood in my pee. I'll be seeing a specialist in a week or so and we'll get me on a pain management routine and go from there. We can't dwell on this Jensen, we can't. Ok?"

 

Jensen looked over at his friend. "You promise me you won't be leaving me anytime soon?"

 

"I swear," Jared answered, covering his hand with his heart.

 

They sat in silence for a few moments, then Jared stood and pulled Jensen to his feet. "Ok, let's get you home and on the couch relaxing while I go fill your prescriptions."

 

"We have a full day of filming Jay, we can't leave."

 

"Naw, I called Eric. He's the one who got Dr. Weiss to come see you. He already called off filming till Monday."

 

Jensen growled out a sigh. "You're not mother-henning me to death or I'll kick your ass."

 

"Fine, as long as you don't do it to me, you got a deal."

 

~

 

On their ride home, Jared finally looked over at Jensen and asked. "Why was the doctor's name Janet Weiss so freaking funny?"

 

Jensen burst out laughing...and so did their driver.

 

~

 

Back to the present

 

"Hey," Chris said, snapping his fingers in Jared's face. "You ok, man?"

 

"Huh, yeah, sorry. Just remembering."

 

Neither man spoke for a few moments, until Jared finally turned his head and looked at his friend. "Do you think that Jensen was in love with me back when I was diagnosed?"

 

"No," Chris said simply.

 

"Oh," Jared said, turning his head and looking up at the dark sky.

 

"He was in love with you the day he met you."

 

Jared turned his head and looked at him. "He was?"

 

Chris nodded. "He was."

 

"Why didn't he tell me?"

 

"He thought you were straight. Fuck man, you were with Sandy for four freaking years...what did you expect him to do? Jenny's not the sort to break people up regardless of his feelings. He would have been perfectly content to just be your friend till the end of time. I hope you know that about him."

 

Jared smiled. "I suppose I do, man. I suppose I do."

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Jensen stiffened in his friend's arms. Steve knew that this meant that he'd realized what he'd been doing and was now embarrassed. But, of course, Steve being Steve, wouldn't let Jensen off the hook so easily.

 

"You ok?"

 

"Yeah," Jensen said, swiping his eyes. "I'm fine. Sorry."

 

"It's ok," Steve said simply. "No need to apologize. I understand."

 

"Yeah - well, I don't do that," Jensen said quietly.

 

"Well, you should. Keeping that shit bottled up'll kill ya."

 

Jensen jumped when his cell vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out and looked at the caller ID.

 

"Who is it?" Steve asked.

 

"It's a text from Jared."

 

"What's it say?"

 

Jensen grinned, he knew that Steve and Chris both loved them regardless of their sexual proclivities, but they still didn't want details of their love life. "He said he wants me back, naked, hard and ready in like twenty..."

 

Steve stood up. "Thanks, that's burned into my mind for the rest of the night."

 

Jensen chuckled, got up and started following his friend back toward the house. "Hey," Jensen said reaching out for him. "Thanks."

 

Steve smirked. "Anytime."

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

"You ok?" Jensen asked, pulling off his clothes as he watched Jared settle down on the bed.

 

"Yeah, I'm good," Jared said as he continued to wiggle around under the covers. Jensen looked down as he unbuttoned his jeans and pushed them down his hips. When he looked up, he got smacked in the face with Jared's underwear.

 

"Asshole," Jensen said, batting them off of his face and to the floor.

 

Jensen pulled the covers back and started to crawl in the bed. 

 

"No."

 

"No?"

 

"Take off all of your clothes," he said. "I told you that I wanted you naked, hard and ready."

 

"Jay..."

 

"Jensen - I want to do this. I miss you, I miss being with you."

 

"But..."

 

Jared got to his knees on the bed and reached over, grasping the waistband of Jensen's boxers and pulled him close. He slipped one hand up over his chest and up to the nape of his neck. He pulled Jensen down to his lips and kissed him slowly. He pulled away. "Make love to me, Jen," he whispered, pulling Jensen's underwear down his hips.

 

Jensen let Jared pull them off, kicking them off his ankles when they fell free.

 

He pushed Jared back against the bed and lay down on top of him, taking his mouth. Their tongues slid together slow and gentle, Jared moaning into his lover's mouth. "I love you," Jared said as Jensen pulled away and peppered his face and neck with kisses.

 

Jensen slid lower, licking and sucking Jared's nipples and stomach. Jensen slipped his lips across Jared's cock, causing the younger man to shake and shiver. Jensen bobbed his head up and down several times, smiling around the flesh inside his mouth when Jared's hands slid through his hair and his moans filled the air.

 

But Jared suddenly began pulling at Jensen's shoulders. "Jen - Jensen...stop..." he said hoarsely. 

 

Jensen slid back up Jared's body, his lips skimming across his skin as he worked his way back to his lover's mouth. Jensen looked down into Jared's eyes, his hand coming up to caress his cheek. "Marry me?" Jensen asked. "I love you, Jay, and I want you to marry me."

 

Jared stared up into Jensen's emerald eyes. He thought for a moment - just a moment - before simply saying, "Yes."

 

Jensen took his mouth in a slow, lingering kiss, his tongue sweeping across the roof of Jared's mouth, his teeth, his tongue - tasting, memorizing every single inch of his mouth.

 

He slid his hands down Jared's sides, then his hips between Jared's legs. He stroked Jared's cock several times until he was once again shivering from Jensen's touch.

 

"Jen...please, wanna feel you in me, feel me in you - please."

 

Jensen sat up, his ass coming to rest on top of Jared's thighs. "I wanna ride you, Jay," he whispered.

 

Jared sat up, his hand slipping around to the nape of Jensen's neck once again, pulling him back down. Jared's other hand slid down Jensen's side and up across his ass, his fingers sliding along the crack. Jensen moaned at the feel of Jared touching him. "Let me..." Jensen said, pulling away and heading over to their bag. He returned a few moments later and crawled up the bed on all fours, a clear plastic bottle in his hand.

 

He straddled Jared's body, still on all fours. "Jared - are you sure? I don't want - "

 

"Jen, shut up and fuck me..." he said, pulling the bottle out of his hand.

 

Jared scooted up the bed slightly, getting into a semi-sitting position, bunching the pillows behind his back. He flipped the cap on the bottle and poured a substantial amount of lube in his hand.

 

It had been a long time since they'd done this, and even longer since Jensen had been on the receiving end. Jared reached between Jensen's legs, his wrist brushing against his lover's balls eliciting a gentle moan from Jensen.

 

He tentatively circled Jensen's hole with his middle finger, applying more and more pressure every time he did so.

 

Jensen started to rock back and forth overtop of Jared's body, his head hanging, eyes closed. "Mmmm, Jared - " he rasped. "you feel..."

 

Jared pushed forward slightly with his finger, slow and steady up to the first knuckle. He pulled out and circled his hole and pushed back inside, setting a nice steady place.

 

Jared pulled out, returning with two. Jensen didn't even flinch. He only started moving more vigorously, thrusting his ass back on Jared's fingers. 

 

"Mmm - I'm good Jared," he said, moving up on his knees. He reached for the discarded bottle of lube and poured some into his own hand, slicking Jared's cock as Jared pulled his fingers free, hands coming to grip Jensen's hips. Jensen reached between his own legs and grasped Jared's cock, positioning it against his hole, and sank on him in one downward thrust, crying out as Jared's thick cock entered him all the way.

 

"Jen..." Jared said, his tone scared and shocked. He knew that it had to have hurt Jensen since it had been so long since Jared had been inside him.

 

"Need to feel you, Jared," he whispered. Jensen sat still on him for several minutes, his hands perched on Jared's chest until the majority of the pain passed.

 

Jensen rocked forward slightly, just the barest of movements and a gentle roll of his hips.

 

"Guhh, fuck - Jensen!" Jared moaned. "I love you..." he whimpered. "I love you so much! Uh, sooo good." 

 

"Mmm - yeah," Jensen breathed out, "I love you, too."

 

Jensen rocked on top of him slowly, his hips canting back and fourth as if he were riding a horse, causing Jared's cock to barely slip-slide slowly inside of him. 

 

Jensen started to feel pleasure bleed through the pain as he started to use his knees to lift up and plunge back down on Jared's dick, the motion allowing the head of Jared's cock to glide against that spot on almost every pass.

 

Jensen panted as he felt the tingle in his toes...that familiar tingle that would slowly creep up his body, making his thighs shake, his balls draw up, his body tremble, his eyes roll back in his head, ultimately screaming out as wracking pleasure overtook his senses.

 

"Jared - " he whimpered as Jared started to thrust up into him, his hips slamming up against Jensen's body. He gripped Jensen's hips tightly, tightly enough to leave bruises in the morning.

 

The sound of wet skin smacking wet skin, drenched bodies moving against each other filled the air. The sweet smell of sweat and sex was filling their senses, causing their bodies to writhe faster and faster, their orgasms rushing faster to the surface.

 

Jensen arched back, his hands reaching behind him and coming to rest on the top of Jared's thighs just behind his own body. He continued to fuck himself on Jared's cock, his body shivering as Jared's hand wrapped around his dick, pumping it frantically along with their thrusts.

 

Jensen cried out as his orgasm slammed into him, his cock exploding across Jared's hand, come splattering up both their bodies. He slumped forward, his hand coming to rest on either side of Jared's head as he continued to fuck himself on Jared through the aftershocks.

 

Jared thrust up hard into Jensen's ass, holding himself there as Jensen felt his lover's dick twitch and pulse inside him, Jared panting Jensen's name over and over. 

 

Jared collapsed onto the bed, Jensen still hovering overtop him, their bodies covered in sweat and come. Jensen leaned down, their bodies still intimately connected, and kissed him. "I love you," he whispered.

 

Jared smiled, "I love you, too."

 

Jensen eased off of Jared's body, sucking in a sharp breath through his teeth as Jared slipped free, and he rolled off the bed. Jared heard Jensen pad away and heard the water in their bathroom come on before drifting off to sleep, not even waking up when Jensen returned to the bed, swiping a warm, wet cloth over his body.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Jensen woke, rolling over in the bed and finding it empty. He got up and dressed and headed downstairs to find his fiance.

 

Jared was sitting at the dining room table with Sherri, Donna, Mackenzie and Megan. 

 

"Hey baby," Jensen said, walking up behind Jared, leaning down to kiss him when Jared turned his head. Jensen suddenly felt underdressed, he was wearing plaid pajama pants and a red t-shirt. Everyone else was dressed in normal, everyday clothes.

 

Jared pulled out the chair next to him. "Have a seat. You hungry?"

 

"Starving," Jensen said.

 

"I bet," Mackenzie said with a laugh.

 

Jensen looked over at his sister, eyebrows raised.

 

Jared snorted out a laugh. "Sorry - we're not used to having anyone else in the house when we're - well, you know..."

 

Jensen turned red. "I'm - uh, I'm gonna go get dressed..." he said, walking away.

 

"Jen...." his sister said, "I'm sorry - don't go. Come sit down and eat. Mom made that breakfast casserole you like," she said. But Jensen continued on upstairs.

 

"Mackenzie Ackles, I'm gonna throttle you!" Donna said.

 

Jared snorted again. "Well Donna, you and Alan are staying in a hotel - in all fairness, we were pretty loud," Jared shrugged.

 

"Can we change the subject?" Sherri asked. "I'm very happy that you and Jensen have such a wonderful sex life, but I don't really want to discuss it, ok?"

 

Jared leaned over and kissed her on the side of the head. "I'm gonna go up there and drag his ass back downstairs," he said, getting up. But before he even got up, Jensen was coming around the corner wearing the same shirt, but now donning jeans.

 

Jensen sat down beside Jared and smiled at the women at the table, even though his ears were still pink. Jensen wasn't a prude - not by any stretch of the imagination. He just didn't like sex talk in front of their parents.

 

Donna stood up and headed into the kitchen. "You want salsa on your casserole, baby?" she asked Jensen.

 

"Yeah Mom, thanks," he smiled.

 

It was quiet for a few more moments at the table when Mackenzie finally turned her head and looked at Jensen. "So who bottomed?"

 

"Oh Dear Lord," Sherri said, getting up and heading into the kitchen to help Donna. 

 

Jensen glared at his sister, his fingers drumming across the table.

 

"What?" she asked, laughing. "It's not a bad question..."

 

Jensen launched himself from the table just as Mackenzie screeched, running from him. Jared's and Megan's laughs could be heard from the table as Mackenzie went out the front door.

 

Jensen tackled her in the front yard and sat down across her legs. "Do you think you're funny?" he asked, poking her in the ribs.

 

"Jen - Jensen, don't... ahhhhh! Stop!" she laughed, her eyes closed. "No-no-no! Help me!" she yelled out to Jared and Megan, who were standing on the porch.

 

"Mmm," Jared grimaced, his eyebrows furrowing together and he then grabbed his side. 

 

Megan looking alarmed, looked up at him, "You ok?" she asked scared. 

 

"Yeah, just a short, jabbing pain. I'm good."

 

"You sure?" she asked him.

 

"Yeah - go help," he smiled, nodding out toward the yard.

 

Megan looked at him a moment, then took off toward the duo rolling around in the yard.

 

Jared grunted again, as another pain shot through his body. He tried to call out to Jensen, but the pain grew quickly, taking his breath away. Then his world went black.

 

Across the yard, Jensen was tackled to the ground when Megan pounced on him, both she and Mackenzie sitting on him when he rolled over onto his back.

 

"You two are gonna get it!" he laughed.

 

"Oh my God!" Megan gasped, getting up and running to the porch. 

 

Jensen sat up and his world seemed to move in slow motion. He pushed his sister off of his legs and ran across the yard, yelling for someone to call 911.

 

He fell to his knees at Jared's side, who was unconscious and lying on the porch. "Jared? Baby? Can you hear me?" he shouted, turning Jared's face toward him. "Jay, come on, wake up for me, man."

 

Jensen pressed his fingers to Jared's jugular vein, feeling for a pulse, something that he'd learned when he found out that Jared was sick and he'd taken a CPR class.

 

"Is he breathing?" Megan asked, tears streaming down her face. Mackenzie had pulled out her cell phone and was calling for an ambulance and went into the house to alert their families.

 

"Yeah," Jensen managed to say, his own cheeks burning with tears.

 

"Come on Jay - you can't do this. It's too soon, baby - too soon. Don't you leave me," he said, leaning down and kissing him on the forehead. "Don't you leave me here all alone."

 

tbc...


	4. Chapter 4

Jensen had paced the ER floor constantly since they'd all arrived. Everyone tried to get him to sit down, but he pretty much tuned everyone around him out, not hearing anyone, even when they directly addressed him.

 

It'd been forty-five minutes since they'd arrived, and Jensen was getting tired of waiting. He'd been to the counter to ask for an update five times, and all five times he was told that there was no new information and a doctor would be out as soon as possible.

 

Jensen walked to the other side of the waiting room, away from family and Chris and Steve and took a seat by a window. Chris noticed, the action unseen by everyone else. He got up and walked over to him and sat down beside his friend. "Jen?"

 

Jensen didn't answer.

 

"I'm here for you, man. If there is anything that I can do, you tell me, ok?"

 

For the first time since they'd all arrived, Jensen actually had a reaction to someone speaking to him other than the desk clerk. He nodded.

 

"Jensen, you really need to..."

 

"I asked him to marry me," Jensen interrupted shakily. "He said yes - " Jensen said with a half scoff, half pained laugh. "Can you believe that? He actually said yes...and now...we won't.." but Jensen's words were cut short.

 

"Jared Padalecki?" a man in blue scrubs asked the packed room.

 

Jensen stood and walked quickly to the man. "Yes, he's my partner, this is his family. How is he?"

 

"Come with me," he said, motioning for the crowd to follow. 

 

He ushered them into a room, everyone taking seats around a large table. "First, I have to tell you that Jared is stable at the moment. We've had to put him on a ventilator and have him hooked up to several machines, monitoring his heart rate and brain function, among other things. His condition is very serious."

 

Jensen's world started to crumble. He listened intently and heard what the doctor was telling them, but he wasn't registering all of the words, only catching certain words and sentences - "his vital organs are starting to shut down," and "nobody can tell you exactly how long someone will live in this condition, but my best educated guess is twenty-four to forty-eight hours..."

 

Jensen looked down, tears streaming down his face and trickling onto the table, pooling together.

 

The last thing that Jensen remembered hearing was Megan asking if Jared would regain consciousness and the doctor telling her no, probably not.

 

~

 

Jensen was led into the ICU room where Jared was and sat down beside him. He reached over and took Jared's hand and brought it to his lips. "I love you," Jensen whispered. "I want you to know something Jared, you've made me a better person, you changed my life. You have," he nodded. "You taught me that it's ok to be silly and carefree, that it's alright to let go and be yourself and not hold back. You showed me that love was unconditional and wonderful and...and..." Jensen's voice broke. He started to cry. "I'll never regret anything with you. Ever."

 

Jensen stood and kissed the corner of Jared's mouth beside the tube, and then kissed his forehead. He moved his head slightly and rested his forehead against Jared's for a few minutes before sitting back down and continuing. 

 

"You know, I never believed in love at first sight. I thought that people who claimed that were nuts, crazy. But the day that I walked into that room and saw you sitting there, I was gone. You took my heart and made it yours. I would have been ok to have you only as a friend for the rest of my life, I really would have. But the day that you told me that you loved me, and we became us - it was the best day of my life. You loved me with a passion that I didn't know could exist and I will always - always cherish it, Jared. I will love you always...and I can't wait to see you again."

 

Jensen laid his head against Jared's chest, stretching his arm across his waist and held him as best as he could and cried. He cried until he fell asleep, staying there until a nurse woke him so Jared's family could come in and see him.

 

~

 

Jensen stood outside the ICU window watching as Jared's mother and father said their goodbyes, both sobbing and kissing him...Sherri not wanting to let go of her son.

 

He looked down and closed his eyes. Christian walked up beside him and handed him a coffee. "Caffeine man, thought you might want some."

 

Jensen took the offered cup, looking at it a moment. Then he looked up and stared at Jared, his heart shattering once again. He turned and let out a loud, excruciating scream as he threw the full cup against the wall.

 

He fell to his knees and started to sob. Chris went to his knees in front of his friend and pulled him into his arms. "It's ok, man...it'll be ok," Chris said, not really knowing what else to say.

 

Jensen shook his head. "It's not ok, it'll never fucking be ok," he cried, pushing Chris away and getting to his feet.

 

Jensen took a few steps toward Jared's room, then back toward Chris, then back toward Jared's room and stopped. He turned and looked at the nurses desk. "Where's his doctor?" he asked huffily, pointing to Jared.

 

The nurse shuffled through some papers and picked up the phone. "I'll page him," she said nervously, her nerves apparently jostled from Jensen's outburst.

 

"Thank you," he said, turning back toward Chris. "Where's Steve?"

 

"Down in the cafe with your parents," he answered.

 

"Let's go..." Jensen said, walking past him and grabbing his friend's arm, heading for the elevator. 

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

_Two days later_

 

 

Jared moved slightly; he cried out when a sharp, harsh and un-surrendering pain shot through his body. "Uhh," he gasped, moving his legs and feeling the sharp pains again, making him feel like he'd been cut from stem to stern.

 

"Hey, baby," his mother said, sweeping his too-long hair off of his face. "How are you feeling?"

 

"Pain," he whispered. "Hurts...what - what happened?" 

 

"Well baby, you had surgery."

 

"Surgery? The - " Jared swallowed and moaned from the pain. "The last thing I remember is Jen and the girls wrestling around in the yard - I had this pain...and then - then nothing," he shrugged.

 

His mother swept his bangs off of his forehead. "Your blood pressure skyrocketed and you passed out. Once we got you here - your body.." Sherri's voice cracked as she struggled to talk, "started to shut down." She pulled a tissue out of her sleeve and swiped it at her eyes and across her nose.

 

"Wait," Jared said, the words surgery finally sinking in. "You said I had surgery?"

 

"Yeah - you had a kidney transplant, sweetheart," she smiled at him.

 

Jared just stared at her. "Really?" he asked. His face went into a small, slight smile. "I got a kidney?"

 

"Yeah, you sure did," she said and leaned down and kissed his cheek.

 

Jared swallowed. He was thrilled that he'd gotten a new kidney, but was also feeling guilty for getting one...because usually, organ transplants came from harvesting them from someone who had died.

 

"Do we know who it came from? I mean - I'd like to talk to the family."

 

Sherri smiled. "Well actually, we do," she nodded. "The person who donated a kidney to you will be getting out of ICU today, and requested to be in the same room with you. You were in the ICU for two days, just making sure that everything went ok, but he developed an infection that put him in there. He's ok now, though," she quickly added when she noticed the pained look on Jared's face.

 

Jared was quiet for a few minutes then asked, "So my new kidney came from a live donor?"

 

"Yeah," she said, looking over at the door when she heard it being pushed open.

 

"Hi, we have a roommate for you, Mr. Padalecki," the orderly said, pulling a bed in through the door. "We'll close this for a few moments to get him situated in the other bed and let the nurse give him a once over, ok?" he said, pulling the curtain closed between the beds.

 

Sherry leaned down to Jared. "The doctor said that the surgery went well, and that you'll be as good as new in about six weeks or so. We'll know in the next few hours to a few days if there'll be any rejection of the new kidney. You'll be in here for about five days or so for them to keep a close monitor on you, but so far, everything looks really good, baby."

 

"Hmm," was all Jared managed, listening to people puttering around on the other side of the curtain with his roommate. He lay there a few more minutes and then it hit him. His mother was there, his sister, and father, but Jensen wasn't anywhere in sight. He lifted his head and looked around, brow furrowed. "Mom?"

 

"What, baby?"

 

"Where's Jensen?"

 

Megan smiled. "I heard the nurses say that he was really close," she smiled. "So don't worry, ok?"

 

Jared didn't understand that one. Why on earth would the nurses know Jensen's arrival for visiting his boyfriend? And to be honest, he was quite miffed that Jensen wasn't there when he woke up. After everything that they'd been through - the treatments, the fights, Jared trying to push him away, and Jensen not letting him - and now, after waiting and waiting for a kidney to become available for him, Jensen wasn't here when he woke.

 

The nurse pulled the curtain back that was separating the two beds. Jared watched her as she moved around the bed, making sure that everything was hooked up properly and that her patient was comfortable, finally stepping away. 

 

Jared glanced at his family a moment, then turned his head to the side. He gasped out a breath of air and sucked it back in just as quickly. "Jen?" he said, looking over at his roommate, who was lying on his side, facing Jared.

 

"Hey," Jensen moaned quietly, "how do you feel, babe?"

 

"Jen?" Jared said again, not fully comprehending that it was Jensen lying there in the bed next to him. 

 

"Yeah," Jensen answered. 

 

Jared could tell from the tone of Jensen's voice that he was in pain and very uncomfortable. "Jerry, will you...?" he said, motioning to the space between their beds. 

 

Jerry nodded and stood up and walked to Jensen's bed, releasing the brake and rolling it right up against Jared's. "Let's give them a few, ok?" he said. Everyone nodded and got up, leaving the room.

 

"What's going on, Jensen?"

 

"Well, when they finally got you situated here in the hospital, they let me come see you. I was talking to you and all - and after - I just lost it, ya know? You were lying there dying and I was tired of not doing anything. I grabbed Chris and Steve and we all went in and were tested. I was a precursory match. So then all the other tests followed," Jensen laughed slightly. "Rather quickly, I might add. Within ten hours, they found out that I was a complete match, and then you were being wheeled into the O.R. with me right behind you."

 

"When I'm better," Jensen added, "I'm finding that one doctor who said it would be a waste of our time to have me and our friends tested, because they would more than likely be negative matches, and I'm kicking his fucking ass."

 

"You mean that you...you were the one who gave me a kidney?" Jared stammered, still fixated on Jensen and not on his threat to the first 'specialist' Jared had seen after the ER doc diagnosed him with PKD.

 

Jensen managed a smile. "Yeah, afraid so, baby."

 

"Jen..." Jared whispered, snaking his hand through the rungs of the bed and reaching for Jensen's hand.

 

Jensen took hold of his fiance's hand and squeezed. 

 

"I can't believe that you did this..."

 

Jensen chuckled. "Like you wouldn't tear your heart out for me if you had to."

 

"I would."

 

"Me too, Jay, me too."

 

Jared sniffed and wiped his eyes with his free hand. "I love you, Jensen."

 

"I love you, too Jared."

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

**Epilogue**

 

Other than having to take Imuran and Prednisone everyday, not much changed in Jared's life...well other than Jensen and him getting married in Hawaii. Now the duo was awaiting the arrival of their first child.

 

About eight weeks after the transplant, Jared was horrified that he was still often tired and was suffering low sex drive and impotence. He'd, again, tried pushing Jensen away - and of course Jensen wouldn't allow it. They'd talked to Jared's regular physician and were assured that side effects like these were perfectly normal and would correct themselves in a few months.

 

Jared had suffered a little weight gain from the Prednisone as well as mood swings, but all in all, it'd taken about four months for Jared's body to regulate and everything to get back to normal - including his libido.

 

Once Jared hit the six month mark and was still healthy and his body hadn't rejected the kidney, he was considered clear. Of course, anything could happen, something that Jared and Jensen were both aware of, but for the most part, his outlook was a bright and thankfully, long, future. 

 

They immediately started looking into adoption, and were disappointed several times when they'd been shot down because of all of Jared's past medical problems. So, it had been almost two years after his transplant for them to find someone willing to take a chance on them. 

 

That's when Jensen and Jared found a young pregnant woman who didn't care about Jared's medical problems, and she certainly didn't care about the fact that they were gay.

 

They went with a private adoption, the process being easier on them, the person giving up the child and even the court system. Her name was Stephanie, she was twenty years old, already the mother of two, single, and couldn't possibly take care of another child.

 

They were leery at first, simply because she had two children already, both of whom she clearly loved, but when Stephanie assured them that her mind was made up and she knew that they could give her baby the life she couldn't and offered to sign complete parental rights away, they agreed.

 

They paid for her complete care and her rent for an entire year so that she didn't take the chance of losing her apartment...and both men encouraged her to seek out the help of family - which she did. After the baby was born, she would be moving to Michigan to live with her sister Amy so that she wouldn't risk losing her other children.

 

~

 

Jared decided to give up acting, as the doctors told him that it was important to keep a close check on his stress levels as well as keeping his body well-rested to maintain his health.

 

He didn't really miss it, considering he was promptly hired on as an instructor at The American Academy of Dramatic Arts. He was still involved in the industry, and he loved his job. It provided a pretty good paycheck - not as good as acting, obviously, but nothing to be ashamed of, either.

 

Jensen continued to act, but stayed in the L.A. area, turning down three jobs that would require him to relocate back to Vancouver for nine months of the year.

 

They'd had an explosive fight when Jensen turned down the first job, saying that he didn't want to be away from Jared that long.

 

Jared told him that he'd move up there, that he was sure that he could find a job there as well, but Jensen wouldn't budge on the matter, saying that he wouldn't ever want Jared to quit a job that he loved so much.

 

Jensen had stormed out of the house, only to return three hours later apologizing and kissing Jared all the way to the bedroom, and holding him down - making love to him for an hour.

 

So, in the end, Jensen stayed in L.A., only leaving when he was filming a movie, and one long stint in New York when he was a recurring character on a cop show.

 

~

 

As the impending birth of their child grew closer, they'd both had a lot of fun at each other's expense when they were trying to come up with names for their child after they'd found out the sex of the baby.

 

It was a boy.

 

Both of them were such excellent actors that they couldn't tell if the other was kidding or not. But each and every person who was told the story agreed that Jared's was the best. He sat down one night and told Jensen that they should name their son Samuel Dean - since that was the reason they'd met.

 

Jensen retaliated with a pretty good one as well, saying that Ackles-Padalecki was too cruel of a name (because Jared wanted both of their last names as part of their son's name) and suggested Acklecki.

 

They'd shopped together for things for their son's room, putting together the crib themselves. And all of the painting and wallpaper was done by them as well, opting to do it all of themselves rather than paying to have it decorated.

 

One night, as they were lying in bed, Jensen rolled over toward his husband. "Jay, you awake?"

 

"Yeah. You ok?"

 

"I'm a little scared," Jensen answered truthfully.

 

"Of being a dad?"

 

"Yeah. I mean I want it, I want it so bad Jay. I've wanted kids for the longest time. But..."

 

"But what?" Jared asked, turning to face him, letting his hand come to rest on his lover's waist.

 

"I dunno, just scared."

 

"You'll be perfect, Jen. You know that you will. You're an awesome uncle, those two little boys love you so much - and your own son, he's gonna be the same, man. You'll be an awesome dad, I just know it."

 

Jensen smiled and leaned forward, kissing Jared slow and sweet. "Thank you. And for the record, you'll be equally as good."

 

Jared smirked. "Well, I already know that," he teased. He rolled back over onto his back and opened his arms. Jensen snorted and scooted across the bed, snuggling into Jared's furnace-like body, resting his head right in the middle of Jared's chest.

 

~

 

The call came three days before Stephanie's actual due date. They both dressed quickly and headed out to the hospital. The call came at six in the morning on a Sunday.

 

Halfway there, Jared realized why his feet were hurting...he'd put on Jensen's shoes - which in turn would explain why Jensen kept tripping all the way to the SUV.

 

Jared drove like a maniac all the way to the hospital. Jensen actually thought that he was gonna die a few times before they got there, even closing his eyes once and praying.

 

When they'd finally gotten up to the maternity ward, they were both ushered into a room and handed hair covers, masks and surgical robes to cover their clothing, and then rushed into the delivery room.

 

Stephanie was already spread-eagled and pushing their son into the world. Jensen promptly headed around the bed to one side of her, as Jared stood on the other, both men watching intently as their little boy finally made his appearance.

 

"Would either of you like to cut the cord?" the doctor asked. Jensen nodded, Jared declined but watched as Jensen did it.

 

The baby was whisked across the room where they sucked out his nose and throat and cleaned him off, as the little boy's wails pierced the air. Jensen and Jared both walked over and looked down as they performed the tests and placed a small, blue beanie on his head.

 

The nurse wrapped him in a small, blue blanket, nice and tight, and picked him up. "Who wants to hold him first?" she asked. Jensen nodded toward Jared.

 

The nurse took the few steps between herself and Jared and put the baby down in his arms. Jared gasped out a sob then bent his head, kissing his tiny forehead.

 

"He's a big boy, he weighed nine pounds, thirteen ounces and is twenty-two inches long," she informed them.

 

Jensen walked up behind Jared and wrapped his arms around his husband, coming to rest under Jared's, helping to support their son. "He's beautiful," Jensen said quietly.

 

"Yeah," Jared said looking back. He leaned closer and kissed Jensen quickly. "I love you."

 

"I love you, too," Jensen answered. "I have a proposition for you," Jensen added.

 

Jared snorted. "What, you already want another?"

 

"Well, yeah, but that's beside the point. I think that we need to go with Tristan for his name."

 

"Jen..." Jared said, "I don't - "

 

"And since I know you want him to share our names, I'll either change my name to Padalecki...or we can make his middle name Ackles."

 

"That'd be a really weird middle name Jen."

 

"So."

 

"You'd really change your name to Padalecki?"

 

"Yep."

 

Jared weighed that in his mind a few minutes and then said, "You ready to take him out to meet the family?"

 

Jensen nodded and said, "How are we gonna introduce him?" 

 

~

 

"I can't wait to see him," Donna Ackles gushed. "Jared said that Stephanie told them she'd been in labor for several hours, but knew that it took hours, so she just stayed at home until the pain got really bad, so maybe it won't be too long," she smiled over at Sherri.

 

Sherri gasped when she spied Jared heading toward them. Jared smiled when he came into the room. "Ok y'all, I'd like you to meet Tristan Ackles Padalecki," he said, looking down at the tiny bundle that was safely tucked in his arms, then over at Jensen, who was standing right beside him.

 

 

~the end

 

 

 

 

_Castles they might crumble_

_Dreams may not come true_

_But you are never all alone_

_Cause I will always…always love you_

_Hey I_

_Hey I_

_Will love_

_Clouds will rage on_

_Storms will race in_

_But you will be_

_Safe in my arms_

_Rains will pour down_

_Waves will crash around_

_But you will be_

_Safe in my arms…in my arms_

_~ Plumb_


End file.
